She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
