I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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