So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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