She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
