I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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