I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
