It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
