You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
