If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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