Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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