Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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