Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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