He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
