i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
