eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
