He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
