she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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