There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
