it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
