You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
