I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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