I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
