Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
