Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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