The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i now understand why vodka
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
