yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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