At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
