This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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