This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's just like the Real World with babies
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
