tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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