So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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