Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
