Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
