my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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