Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
