yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
