I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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