My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
