She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
