I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
