We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
