does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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