$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
