God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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