I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
