After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
