Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who died my cat blue again?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
