??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So much rum. So many feels.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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