Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
