all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
