i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
