Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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