I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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