I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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