just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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