He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
